The battle that raged against me once I hit midlife was fear. I began having a horrible fear of death and illness, and it is usually sparked by some type of symptom. I do have to be honest and say this is something I struggled with in my mid to late twenties, but got control of until this last year.
It all started when I went to see my dermatologist and he found what is called an acetic keratosis on my lip, except he didn’t say “You have an acetic keratosis.” No, he looked and said with almost a smile on his face, “that’s precancerous” and pulled out a can of what I call spray ice and began spraying it on my lip like he was using Raid to kill a stubborn wasp! This is also known as cryogenic surgery. I wish that I was joking when I say that the room began to spin, the doctor and my wife became a blur, and for a brief moment I either went into shock, nearly died of a heart attack, or passed-out. And from that day forward my midlife crisis was going through my mind like a hurricane. And I want to be honest and let you know I haven’t conquered this issue just yet, and if I even get a fever blister I could be found in the fetal position somewhere in our home.
For those of you that think you may be approaching midlife don’t worry, because not everyone experiences my level of health anxiety. Most do begin to struggle with a a fear of death, but it quickly becomes manageable. The point of today’s blog is to simply point out that we are all running this race called life, and one day we round a corner and realize…holy shit I can see the finish line! Sure it could still be many years away, but we still begin to picture it. And then we begin to fully realize that life goes too fast and we are growing old(er). At that moment some of us may begin to have anxiety, and even experience a sense of mourning…mourning the first part of our life speeding by without giving us a chance to slow it down. We wish that we would have had the sense to at least try and stop for a moment, and enjoyed having six-pack abs or breasts that we can’t throw of our shoulders. So go ahead and mourn the loss of your youth, because that is normal and healthy, but then begin focusing on today. Enjoy the blessings that you have in your life, and when you find yourself reflecting on the past stay away from regrets, and begin praising yourself for what you did right. The next half of your life can now be lead by someone (you) who is much wiser.