What To Do When The Dream Doesn’t Come True #midlife

dream-bigLet me say thank you, because I am humbled that over 10,000 of you tuned in to my podcasts or to read my blog this month!  I love sharing my thoughts with you, and it makes it all worthwhile to know that you have enjoyed what I’ve had to say.  Please share The Next Half with your friends!

Today’s podcast deals with what happens when you “blink” and realize you are getting older, and your dreams have not become reality.  Feel free to give me your comments after listening and please go ahead and hit share on the Facebook button below!  The podcast includes music from Kenny Chesney and Brantley Gilbert so enjoy.

IF you are 40+ then you are likely asking this BIG question. So let’s answer it! #midlife

terry
Terry Jaymes

I want to share a blog written by my good friend Terry Jaymes, because I think he addresses a question that those of us in midlife are asking.  And that is, “How do you dream after 50?”  I want to change it up a bit and ask, how do we dream after 40?  And for some of you in your late 30s that are old souls…you may already be asking the question as well.  For Terry, the dream was to have his own late night show, but what was your dream?  Most of us dreamed BIG in our twenties and thirties, but something happened to the dreams.  So again, how can we start dreaming in our 40s & 50s?

Today I am meeting with Terry to answer this question through a podcast that I will post ASAP.  For now I want you to read his heartfelt blog, because I think you will connect.  And the good news is that we do have an answer to the question.

Blog written by Terry Jaymes:  

I missed out on the Tonight Show again. Congratulations to Jimmy Fallon. I can’t believe that I’m actually putting this in writing, but him getting that show hurt me. Nowhere near as much as Kimmel getting his own show some ten years earlier. I’m getting used to the pain.

You see, these were actual dreams of mine. Dreams I managed to fall way short of. Dreams I honestly thought I would live.

In fairness, my original vision was to replace David Letterman, but now Seth Meyers has that one too. All these guys are so talented, but so are a million others who will never feel the warmth of the intense studio lights. I am so happy that the world of late night television is in such great hands. We as viewers are very lucky that we get to see people living their dream every night. These are my reality shows.

There were many mistakes made on my way. I could spend all day listing them. But all that would do is bum me out. If I had the balls to really go for it, I know I would have had my shot by now. The only reason I’ve been in radio so long was to support the dream of hosting a show like that.

Full disclosure: I also wanted to replace Regis. I would have killed in that roll.

Somebody needs to let people know that the bigger the dream, the harder the fall. It takes balls to admit that you want to be extraordinary. It takes a bigger set to walk away.

I’ve ditched a lot of dreams along the way. Some were easy to let go of. There aren’t a lot of fifty year-olds being picked up by the Lakers. Many were heart-wrenching lessons in reality.

The reality being that my window is closing. I can’t tell you how painful this is. I missed out and it’s nobody’s fault but my own.

I’ve taken a few days to think about this and to pray for hope and guidance. What I’m getting is that it’s a disservice to say that age doesn’t matter. It does. Some games are meant for young men. I’m actually crying as I’m writing this. I thought this would just be a good blog topic, but it’s really sinking in. I’m glad my wife isn’t home. She will ask later if I’ve been crying.

So how does one dream big past 50?

Maybe this is where age still matters. I now know what my strengths really are. I know I can offer the world something much more than I could have 20 years ago. The big question is, what does that look like?

I feel a new dream coming. I love you.

Thank you Terry for sharing your thoughts!  Please keep watching for the answer to this question, and PLEASE-PLEASE-PRETTY PLEASE subscribe & follow The Next Half.

Are You a Jerk or in A Relationship with One, Part 2

narIn yesterday’s blog we began looking at whether or not we are a jerk, or if we may be in a relationship with one.  We even had a test that we took to determine if we are a jerk most of the time or just occasionally.  And lastly, we learned that another name for what we may call a jerk is a narcissist.  Now remember that we all have a little bit of the narcissist inside of us.  Right?  We are all a jerk from time to time, but we are looking at those who live their life focus on getting all the love, all the attention, and will do anything to make it happen.  To remind you of what exactly a narcissist is let’s review:

A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

  • React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
  • Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
  • Have excessive feelings of self-importance
  • Lie about or Exaggerate achievements and talents
  • Preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, or intelligence.
  • Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
  • Need constant attention and admiration
  • Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy
  • Have obsessive self-interest
  • Pursue mainly selfish goals

I believe that I made it clear in yesterday’s blog post that it is my opinion that you should do your best to avoid relationships with the high level narcissist.  And I’m not just talking about intimate relationships, but any form of a relationship.  I personally would also avoid hiring them or working for them if at all possible, but let’s not focus on others.  What about the small, medium, or large narcissist inside of each of us?  We all have a few of the traits, and that is why getting older can be so difficult.  Warning:  in the next paragraph we move toward those of us in midlife, but you twenty and thirty somethings stick around you will need this advice before you know it!

In our younger years we may have gotten a lot of attention for our appearance, athletic abilities, and the list can go on.  This is true for both men and women.  Remember walking into a restaurant or bar and had no problem getting good service, because the person on the other side of the counter wanted to flirt with you?  And do you remember going to the gym and wearing something that showed as much skin as possible, because you were proud of how you looked?  And if you really go back to the day…think about high school.  Some of you reading this were the hot item on campus.

All the things I just mentioned lead us to have at least a little narcissism in us.  And then midlife hits and the attention begins to fade, and we feel hurt.  Dr. Joseph Burgo says it like this:

In later life, when others stop looking, we naturally experience it as a narcissistic injury, as if it means that we are no longer “beautiful” and important. Even people who have never traded on their looks will find this experience painful to some degree.

I’m not going to say much more today about this topic, but I will in the next few days.  I do want to leave you with an interesting question which is, “Have you mourned the loss of your youth?”  For some of you reading this that question may not make sense to you, but some of you get me.  You are constantly reflecting back to the days of your youth, and then you fast forward to the person you see in the mirror today.  And like me, you are asking, “What the hell happened?”  Let me recommend that you begin journaling or sharing your thoughts about growing older, because that will help with your time of mourning. Yes, I’m saying that some of you are in a time of mourning, and you need to dive in and process it so that you can move on.  The world and your family needs to you to get back among the living.  I realize you think you are at death’s door, but that isn’t death’s door…that door is leading to a new and wonderful life.

Take This Brief Test to Determine if you are a JERK Or In A Relationship with One!

Photo from http://www.forfreepsychology.wordpress.com

I want us to talk about a very challenge and difficult group of people who are prevalent in society, and often in places of authority.  And if you are very unfortunate you may be in a close working or personal relationship with them.   And when I say difficult or challenging I mean that they hurt you, deceived you, and left you confused.

In everyday life we often crudely refer to these people as a bitch or asshole.  If you take the higher ground then you may simply call them a jerk, challenging, or difficult.  The type of people I want to talk about are also often referred to as ego maniacs, but there is a clinical term for them.  The clinical term for what I want us to talk about is narcissism or narcissistic.

Sharon Greenthal of The Huffington Post gives us a few symptoms and a brief description:

 Some of the symptoms of narcissism include:

  • Believing that you’re better than others
  • Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
  • Exaggerating achievements or talents
  • Expecting constant praise and admiration
  • Believing you’re special and acting accordingly

I realize that what I’m about to say seems overly dramatic, but I want you to know that few people on earth can destroy your self-esteem, make your life chaotic, and hurt you like the moderate to extreme narcissist.  It is very important to know that you will not win an argument with them, because they have no problem “hitting below the belt” or lying to make a point or get out of trouble.  And they won’t hesitate to crush you with direct insults that may have nothing to do with the argument.  The following paragraph explains their anger like this:

The anger of narcissists…can be more demeaning. Their criticism evolves from their conviction that others don’t meet their lofty standards-or worse, aren’t letting them get their own way. “Narcissistic injuries,” or wounds to the ego, often pave the way for narcissistic rages, which can be passive-aggressive or planned out, as well as sudden. They are above you and you have displeased them and probably deserve punishment they will dole out. – Psychology Today

You must understand that life is all about them!  They want all the attention, all the love, and will do whatever it takes to get it. They will make you believe that they care about you if you feed their ego, but you must know they never get full from swallowing compliments and accolades.  In fact, like vodka tonics to an alcoholic, the more they get–the more they want.  In other words, they will suck the life out of you!

I think you get the point, a moderate to high level narcissist will make life difficult for everyone.  So now comes the difficult question of the day, “Are you a narcissist?”  The answer is likely yes on some level.  There are definitely levels of narcissism, which Dr. Drew Pinsky discusses in his book, “The Mirror Effect.”  He also designed a test for us to see just how narcissistic we may be, which I have copied and pasted below from USAToday.  It will also help you evaluate the level of narcissism you may be dealing with that person you recently referred to as an asshole!  Because if they are at a high level and refuse to get help you may need to make some difficult decision…unless you enjoy living in hell.  It will also help each of us determine if we need to do a little work on ourselves.

So let’s do this, we can all take the test and then come back tomorrow to discuss the results.  And for those of us in midlife I want to say that I believe that the higher the score…the more difficult growing older will be us.  I will explain more tomorrow, but it is very interesting.  So since I’m asking you to take the test it is only fair that I go first.  My score was 10, which I believe means I wasn’t completely honest with myself!  As you will see, there are only two options and sometimes you must pick the best of the worst (in my opinion).  So I’m guessing I’m closer to 12-14.  If you obtain a high score don’t panic and label yourself a jerk…the results would need to be looked at more closely.  Don’t get me wrong, you might be a jerk, but I just don’t want you to jump to that conclusion (insert goofy smiley face here).  Please share your results and comments!

The Narcissistic Personality Inventory (Choose the statement that best describes you):

1. A. I have a natural talent for influencing people.
B. I am not good at influencing people.

2. A. Modesty doesn’t become me.
B. I am essentially a modest person.

3. A. I would do almost anything on a dare.
B. I tend to be a fairly cautious person.

4. A. When people compliment me I sometimes get embarrassed.
B. I know that I am good because everybody keeps telling me so.

5. A. The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me.
B. If I ruled the world it would be a better place.

6. A. I can usually talk my way out of anything.
B. I try to accept the consequences of my behavior.

7. A. I prefer to blend in with the crowd.
B. I like to be the center of attention.

8. A. I will be a success.
B. I am not too concerned about success.

9. A. I am no better or worse than most people.
B. I think I am a special person.

10. A. I am not sure if I would make a good leader.
B. I see myself as a good leader.

11. A. I am assertive.
B. I wish I were more assertive.

12. A. I like to have authority over other people.
B. I don’t mind following orders.

13. A. I find it easy to manipulate people.
B. I don’t like it when I find myself manipulating people.

14. A. I insist upon getting the respect that is due me.
B. I usually get the respect that I deserve.

15. A. I don’t particularly like to show off my body.
B. I like to show off my body.

16. A. I can read people like a book.
B. People are sometimes hard to understand.

17. A. If I feel competent I am willing to take responsibility for making decisions.
B. I like to take responsibility for making decisions.

18. A. I just want to be reasonably happy.
B. I want to amount to something in the eyes of the world.

19. A. My body is nothing special.
B. I like to look at my body.

20. A. I try not to be a show off.
B. I will usually show off if I get the chance.

21. A. I always know what I am doing.
B. Sometimes I am not sure of what I am doing.

22. A. I sometimes depend on people to get things done.
B. I rarely depend on anyone else to get things done.

23. A. Sometimes I tell good stories.
B. Everybody likes to hear my stories.

24. A. I expect a great deal from other people.
B. I like to do things for other people.

25. A. I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.
B. I take my satisfactions as they come.

26. A. Compliments embarrass me.
B. I like to be complimented.

27. A. I have a strong will to power.
B. Power for its own sake doesn’t interest me.

28. A. I don’t care about new fads and fashions.
B. I like to start new fads and fashions.

29. A. I like to look at myself in the mirror.
B. I am not particularly interested in looking at myself in the mirror.

30. A. I really like to be the center of attention.
B. It makes me uncomfortable to be the center of attention.

31. A. I can live my life in any way I want to.
B. People can’t always live their lives in terms of what they want.

32. A. Being an authority doesn’t mean that much to me.
B. People always seem to recognize my authority.

33. A. I would prefer to be a leader.
B. It makes little difference to me whether I am a leader or not.

34. A. I am going to be a great person.
B. I hope I am going to be successful.

35. A. People sometimes believe what I tell them.
B. I can make anybody believe anything I want them to.

36. A. I am a born leader.
B. Leadership is a quality that takes a long time to develop.

37. A. I wish somebody would someday write my biography.
B. I don’t like people to pry into my life for any reason.

38. A. I get upset when people don’t notice how I look when I go out in public.
B. I don’t mind blending into the crowd when I go out in public.

39. A. I am more capable than other people.
B. There is a lot that I can learn from other people.

40. A. I am much like everybody else.
B. I am an extraordinary person.

SCORING KEY:

Assign one point for each response that matches the key.

1, 2 and 3: A
4, 5: B
6: A
7: B
8: A
9, 10: B
11, 12, 13, 14: A
15: B
16: A
17, 18, 19, 20: B
21: A
22, 23: B
24, 25: A
26: B
27: A
28: B
29, 30, 31: A
32: B
33, 34: A
35. B
36, 37, 38, 39: A
40: B

The average score for the general population is 15.3. The average score for celebrities is 17.8. Pinsky says he scored 16.

Young says it is important to consider which traits are dominant. For example, an overall score that reflects more points on vanity, entitlement, exhibitionism and exploitiveness is more cause for concern than someone who scores high on authority, self-sufficiency and superiority, he says.

The seven component traits by question:

• Authority: 1, 8, 10, 11, 12, 32, 33, 36

• Self-sufficiency: 17, 21, 22, 31, 34, 39

• Superiority: 4, 9, 26, 37, 40

• Exhibitionism: 2, 3, 7, 20, 28, 30, 38

• Exploitativeness: 6, 13, 16, 23, 35

• Vanity: 15, 19, 29

• Entitlement: 5, 14, 18, 24, 25, 27

Here are 2 things you can do today that can bring you happiness and contentment.

mirrorAnswer the following questions:

  1. Who & what do you see when you look in the mirror?
  2. Who & what do you think other people see when they look at you?
  3. Again, who do YOU see in the mirror, and is that really you?

To the right you can see a picture of my wife preparing for a wedding.  When I look at her I see beauty, intelligence, an amazing mother, and a person with an incredible work ethic.  Those are all traits that come to mind when I look at my wife, but what she sees in the mirror is much more important.  And the same is true for you.  You are an incredible person, and you have a lot to offer the world around you, but if you don’t see it then the world lies in waiting.  And you may be missing out on seeing many of your dreams come true.

I’ll be honest, for years I still saw that chubby 12 year-old boy who was made fun of in school.  I still saw that little boy who struggled to make passing grades, couldn’t get a girlfriend, and thought he was stupid.  I’m happy to say that I am doing much better now, but from time to time that chubby boy still shows up.  Yes, even though I have advanced degrees, got my weight under control by 16 years-old, and figured out how to get a hot blonde to marry me…at times I’m the chubby little boy.  And it can be tough to be the man when you see a little boy.  It can be very difficult to live life to the fullest when you don’t believe in yourself, and/or you aren’t even being yourself.

So I want you to give some thought to who you see in the mirror for a couple of reasons:

One, I want you to begin seeing someone wonderfully made.  I realize you may not look like Brad Pitt or his stunning wife Angelina Jolie, but I promise that you were wonderfully made with a purpose.  You can make many of your dreams come true, but you need to believe in yourself.

Secondly, I want you to ask yourself if you are even being yourself.  Many of you reading this and you are in your 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond, and you have worked very hard at pleasing everyone else but yourself.  You have been living someone else’s life.  Meaning you have chosen your educational, spiritual, relational, and career paths based on what others thought or you wanted them to think.

How do I know this about many of you?  Because I am just like you!  And so I’m working on picturing and being the real me.  And it can be difficult, because I continually want to pull up images from my past, and equally damning I will ask myself, “but what would____________think?”  Who is in your blank(s)?  Maybe it is time you fill in that blank with your name.

Need your help with “important” research: Mr. Grab-ass vs. Mr. A Time & Place for Everything

I’m not sure if the picture you see below of our royal studs is legitimate or not, but when I looked at it I asked myself, “Which one are you Tony?”  And I’m asking all of you guys that read The Next Half, which form of royalty are you?  However, ladies I’m most curious as to which TYPE you would prefer?  Please noteI’m not asking which Prince you think is the most handsome.

I’m asking you guys if you are the type of man who plays a little grab-ass every chance you get, or if you are the “there is a time and place for everything” kind of guy?  And Ladies, which type do you prefer?  Do you like a guy who can’t control himself, or a guy who only waits to be Mr.Grab-ass when he gets you home?

I would ask the guys, which type woman they prefer, but we all know that men want a woman who can’t keep their hands off of him!  Please post your comments below and please feel free to use humor!  If you need some help deciding which type you are I designed my own highly unscientific questionnaire.

The Grab-ass Preference Test:

  1. When you see your significant others butt do you think, “I need to slap it, flip it, and rub it down?”
  2. Guys, do you believe the President should have a day of recognition for the person who designed YOGA PANTS?
  3. Ladies, do you believe men should go back to wearing the 1970’s style running shorts?  The ones, that when they ran, looked like a snake was fighting off two small hamsters.

If you answered yes to ANY of those questions you love to play grab-ass.  If you answered yes to questions 1 or 2 then you may need to join a sexual addiction support group.  Thanks for playing along and I would love for you to give me your comments and share my blog on Facebook & etc. by clicking on a link below.

2 type men

Let me hear your thoughts on the LIAR LIAR in your life: Symptoms of Pathological Lying

Tony Russell's Blog, The Next Half, Jim CareyPlease skim the following article and let me know your thoughts by posting a comment below.  How have you handled the “Liar Liar” in your life?

THIS WAS TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM WikiHow.com

Understand what a pathological liar is. Basically, a pathological liar is someone who tells lies habitually, chronically and compulsively. It has simply become a way of life for this person, to make up things for a variety of reasons and eventually, the truth becomes uncomfortable while weaving whoppers feels right to them.

Determine whether the person’s details and information comes across as consistent every time they tell a story. Find an easy, run-of-the-mill story, such as what the person had for dinner last night. They may tell you pasta and broccoli, but then may tell you and/or others that lobster and champagne was involved. Details and information will constantly change and evolve.

  • Compare and contrast both big and small details. From the number of people in the liar’s story to the actual storyline itself, recall what has changed and how often the details have changed in the story.
  • Keep tally of the cast of characters involved in the story. If, for example, suddenly the third time the story is told, the cops show up, you have to start wondering if he or she is telling the full truth.
  • Recall the frequency of the lies. Pathological liars will lie consistently, which is one thing you can count on––they will lie all the time. Conduct a non-scientific experiment and inquire about certain aspects of the person’s life everyday. Choose something random like what the person ate for dinner or watched on TV the evening before.

Compare stories with mutual friends of both you and the person you suspect of being a pathological liar, to determine if the story has changed or reshaped to accommodate certain personalities. Certain details may be morphed to create drama or draw attention to the liar.

  • Trying to pit friends/family members against each other. If the liar was involved in an argument he or she may change the details so that he or she looks better. Also, he or she may involve other parties, making up information about the other party in order to get more people on his or her side.
  • Trying to avoid trouble. If the liar has done something wrong, he or she will do whatever is necessary to avoid blame––that means fabricating a story and/or pinning culpability on another person.
  • Fabricating a lie in order to gain attention. The main goal with many pathological liars is to gain positive notoriety. From being bored to having low self esteem, the pathological liar’s goal is to look better than everyone else, so that people pay attention and worship their accomplishments.

Consider whether the person is lying to gain attention. Part of the reason the pathological liar feels compelled to lie is because he or she may feel as though being in the spotlight has eluded them. This person feels that he or she should be the center of everyone’s universe and will do what he or she can to make it happen. Upon tasting the spotlight, it becomes self-reinforcing and the lies grow bigger each time just to keep on being the center of attention. Here are some possibilities:

  • Sympathy attention. The pathological liar feels that his or her problems are paramount to what everyone else is experiencing. From a paper cut to being admonished by a boss or teacher, the pathological liar runs around telling his or her story to anyone and everyone, exaggerating the details to ridiculous proportions in order to gain sympathy from anyone within earshot.
  • Wants to feel important. The pathological liar is the king or queen of the “one upper.” Whatever accomplishment you’ve achieved, they done it better. This person always has to feel superior to you at all times, no matter if it’s in the professional or personal arena.
  • Feels bored. Unfortunately, because this person’s life is not rooted in reality, he or she may become easily bored if drama is not swirling around his or her head. As a result, lies may be fabricated in order to amuse or entertain this person, which unfortunately means that other people become involved and possibly hurt as a result.
  • Insecurity. Low self esteem is one of the biggest reasons why people become pathological liars. Whether they consciously recognize it or not, a pathological liar feels that he or she is not important enough as they are so they must make up accomplishments or events to position themselves as worthy.

Look to whether the person has an addiction or secret habits that are potentially harmful. Pathological lying can arise in tandem with wanting to hide an alcoholic or drug addiction, an obsession with doing something too much such as spending time online or gaming, or in relation to a medical condition such as bulimia or anorexia.

  • Part of the therapy needs to address compulsive lying. A compulsive liar can be changed.
  • There may be other personality disorders at issue, such as narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.

Examine the person’s reaction when they’re busted in a lie. The worst thing that can happen to a pathological liar is to be busted for telling the lie.

  • Extreme defensiveness. Expect the person to become extremely defensive, doing whatever he or she can to pin blame on someone else.
  • Quickly fabricating another lie to cover up the original fib. The pathological liar will start the cover-up process quickly to ensure that their reputation remains in tact. This may include a bigger lie than the original fib––which may be quite apparent.
  • Vindictive and may seek revenge. Rage and anger may be another reaction stemming from being “outed”, so expect possible retaliation or vindictive behavior. Alternatively, they may feel upset that they have been caught in the act by someone who cares for them and have a tearful meltdown.

Determine if the person lives in reality. The pathological liar is one who typically does not live in reality and has trouble maintaining any consistency in his or her life. Some signs include:

  • Wandering from job to job. He or she may not be able to hold down a job for a long amount of time due to either being busted for lying or not being able to handle day-to-day mundane tasks because of bluffing their way into the job.
  • Can’t hold a steady relationship. Romantic and interpersonal relationships often fail––this person will typically have a love of his or her life or a best friend for a few months and then will suddenly no longer have contact with that person. Between lies and unrealistic expectations, the pathological liar can often attract a bevy of new relationships but has trouble maintaining them.
  • May be estranged from family. After years of being lied to, family members may not be very supportive or close to this individual.

Please don’t forget to leave me your comments below, and feel free to share this on Facebook & Twitter!

What were you doing at 22 years-old? Meet Spc. John A. Pelham of Portland, OR

john alex pelham
John Alex Pelham

I’m at the age where I look at young men or women in their twenties, and think they look like kids!  After all, being almost 50 years-old I could easily be their father.  Then I hear stories about young men like Army Spc. John Alex Pelham.  His story makes me realize that while some twenty somethings may still be acting like children, there are many that are courageous and mature beyond their years.  Yes, some are truly heroes, and a man among men like Spc. Pelham.  Alex, as his father called him in an interview, was only 22 years-old on the day that he picked up his riffle and laid down his life for his country. Let that sink in for a moment.  What were you doing when you were 22 years-old?

Some of you were like Spc. Pelham, and many of you were like me…you didn’t know shit from shinola (excuse the southern phrase).  I wish I had been more like the young men who are serving our country today, but I was quite frankly immature and thinking only of myself.  So to read the story of Spc. Pelham is overwhelming to me.  It overwhelms me because a man I never met laid down his life for me and my family.  In what must have seemed like another world a young man chose to enter into harms way while you and I slept peacefully.

This story reminds me that we all need to be more involved in the political process of this country.  Because you and I get a vote that helps determine the future of a country that young men and women are dying for every single day.  I’m not writing this to insinuate that we should or should not be in Afghanistan.  I simply want us to realize that Alex wasn’t only the son of Mr. & Mrs. Pelham, but he was our son as well.  We should all consider these young men and women serving today as our sons and daughters, because as citizens of the United States we are responsible for their welfare.  We must keep that in mind when we choose our leaders.

When they were children we only hired those we trusted to watch over them while we were away. And now, we must only hire those we trust to watch over them while they are away.

Please take the time to listen to the Troop Salute given to Spc. Pelham today on our morning show, and join us in saying a prayer of peace for his fiance and family.

Troop Salute Audio:

How to make sure that next year’s Valentine’s Day DOESN’T suck! #marriage #relationships

ImageWell some of you have let out a sigh of relief that Valentine’s Day is over and gone.  And some of those sighs came from you who are single, and got tired of seeing roses delivered to your office without your name on them.  And there are those of you that went into Valentine’s Day in a relationship, and came out wishing you weren’t!  So my heart goes out to both of you, and I hope this next year proves to be the one where you find Mr. or Ms. Right!

There are also some of you who gave a big sigh of relief, because it was very stressful trying to find the perfect gift, the perfect restaurant, and then come up with the money to afford both.  Yes some of you pulled it off, but it was so stressful you weren’t even able to enjoy it.  So how can we all make sure next year is different?  Well let me give you a word that is really not a part of my vocabulary, which is the word “plan.”

If you are single when February 14, 2015 draws closer then here is the great news.  It will be on a Saturday, which means you won’t be at work to see all those hoochie momma’s getting roses that you…you the sexy beast in the corner cubicle deserve.  So have a plan ready.  Plan to do something that will take your mind off the fact that the men in your community are obviously blind and don’t know a real hottie when they see it.  Let me recommend what my fellow cohost Ellen Tailor did this year…she threw a big party with her other single friends.  They all came to her bachelorette pad for good wine (not whine) and cheese.  Now I don’t know what the rules were for the singlefest 2014, but I’m hoping she didn’t allow anyone to bring a date.  And then I personally think they should have gotten a limo and headed out to a well known dance club where singles hangout (yes I’m sure no one says dance clubs anymore).  So there you go, just my thought for you singles regardless of your age in 2015.

Now for those of you who are in a relationship I want to recommend you make Valentine’s Day feel less special.  Yes, I think Valentine’s Day should be a wonderful day of love, lust, and watermelon flavored lotions!  Too much info?  Well I think it should be fun and romantic, but so should the rest of your year.  Your entire year should focus on making each other feel loved and special, and then I’m going to guess there won’t be so much pressure on February 14th of every year.  Valentines Day should not be the one day out of the year that our significant other can look forward to feeling special.

I believe that part of the reason so many people feel stressed on the day of lust and love is because the rest of the year is filled with laziness.  Many of us honestly neglect each other throughout the year, which means we feel very disconnected.  So think about that for a moment.  February 14th is focused around two people who are very connected, which makes for a very awkward day when two people are disconnected.  So what do we do?  We try to make up for that disconnection with a dozen roses, and an over priced dinner in a dimly lit room.  And that may mean one or both drinks way too much wine just so they have the courage to make a move or say how they feel. Wow that’s a Hallmark moment to remember.  If you want to have an incredible Valentine’s Day in 2015 then make sure you are already connected when it arrives.  So take my advice and do your best to make the other 364 days of a year a time where you are…well…staying plugged in.  Now see, I didn’t mean it that way!  You all have filty filthy minds!