Okay, I have to admit that I used the title to get you interested in reading my blog, but I’m fairly certain that my lovely wife and I did break at least 4 laws during our anniversary weekend. I can’t tell you what they are because, well as I said, we broke them! I may at least give you a hint if you keep reading, but my point is that I don’t want people to think love and passion fizzles in the forties. Think about what younger people see on TV. Every Viagra commercial has a good-looking middle-aged man on them. I wonder if the younger audience is watching and thinking, “Shit man, my willy is about to die any day now!” Sure, the willy can wonder & slumber for some, but here is the good news youngins…it isn’t as common as you are lead to believe. The plumbing rarely starts rusting in the forties!
When I was in my twenties and early thirties I thought that romance and marriage in my forties (almost 50s) would be boring and lame. And what I want you to know is that is entirely up to you. You can choose whether or not midlife is a time to light the fire or you can begin a downward spiral of sexual and physical boredom.
I want to challenge all of us to begin seeking out ways to enjoy our lives every single day. And I want to convey that the midlife years can be the best time to begin doing so. Our twenties and thirties are the years many of us were so busy focused on “climbing the ladder” that we missed the many blessings that surrounded us. We didn’t fully embrace and enjoy life.
When the forties arrive you begin to realize life is going too fast, and you feel challenged to enjoy being physically active. You simply realize the days of running, jumping, and well…humping may be gone before you know it! And so you have a choice to make as to how you will accept that reality. Some of you may be hitting your forties and saying, “I’m too old to ___________.” Well I want to challenge you to start saying, “I’m too old not to _______________.” You still want to know what laws Amy and I broke? All I will say is that 3 out of the 4 involved indecent exposure. Go have some fun!
Well the holidays are here and with them brings joy, happiness, and a crap load of STRESS! So I want to do things differently this year, and keep all the joy and happiness, and ditch the stress. And to ditch the crap load of stress I’ll need what? Correct! A crap load of cash!
Let’s be honest and admit the holidays are very expensive. So to offset the expense I’ve decided to engage in criminal or immoral behavior this year. I know it sounds horrible seeing as though part of the holiday includes celebrating baby Jesus, but I can’t take another stressful holiday season.
So my criminal plan may involve a bank robbery. Now don’t worry, I will be completely unarmed and make that clear as I walk to the counter. I’m simply going to demand they return all the money they took from me this year. I want them to return all my ATM fees, overdraft fees, technology fees, under the minimum balance fees, and fees they used to process my fees. So if you think about it…I’m only robbing them of what they robbed of me. I’m hoping the judge will see it that way as well, and let me out of jail before the kids open their gifts on Christmas morning. Now, I do believe in the power of a Plan B so I have another idea.
My plan B is to become a stripper. And some of you middle aged guys may want to get in on this one, because I’ll need a team. I’m thinking of putting together a group of guys in their forties and fifties, and we’ll call ourselves the Swinging Richards. And here is the the genius of Plan B, we will market ourselves to senior living facilities and nursing homes! So if you swing low or hell, if you swing at all, please consider joining me.
p.s. This was sarcasm so please don’t report me to the police who will be busy with real bank robbers
Amy and I will be celebrating our 15 YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY this week! And if I could only give you one piece of advice it would be to read “The Five Love Languages.” Believe it or not, you and your significant other don’t speak the same language. Yeah, you knew that already, but you should buy the book to learn their language. But that will only be the first step. You then must begin to speak it!