The Ten Signs You’re Having a Midlife Crisis

exit-from-crisis-signFitz and I talked about my midlife crisis on the radio show this morning, and he had a Top 10 List for me.  New research says these are the “modern-day” top 10 signs you are having a midlife crisis.  I have to be honest and say that I have done all, but two of them!  Well, I didn’t get my back waxed, but I do have my wife Amy shave it.  And I haven’t gotten Botox or a facelift, but it’s only because I can’t afford it!

Top 10 Signs You are having A Midlife Crisis:

1.  Getting a tattoo.

2.  Getting a facelift.

3.  Getting botox.

4.  Running a half marathon.

5.  Going to a music festival.

6.  Getting your back waxed.

7.  Changing careers.

8.  Buying a fancy watch.

9.  Buying the latest gadgets or technology.

10.  Getting into extreme sports.

A few other signs in the top 40 are getting a Twitter account, buying a fancier smart phone than your kids, and buying a juicer.

Please share this with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, and etc.!

Want to have AMAZING Relationships? Then read my, “ABCs of A Healthy Relationship”.

oopsI was recently in someone’s home and noticed a stone tablet that I absolutely loved.  On the tablet was what I would call the Relationship Alphabet, and for each letter there was very brief relationship advice.  Over the next several days I would like to share some of the advice with you.  A is for “Admit Mistakes” and I’m not sure people fully understand how powerful this step can be in improving their relationships. There is another way of saying “admit your mistake” and that would be, “Say you are sorry“, but maybe that will be S!

I was raised in a home where both my parent were willing to say they were sorry so this comes easy to me.  Well that and I screw up often, and I have had a lot of practice!  Many of you may be reading this and saying, “Tony my honey bunny never ever admits they are wrong and I…I always have to say I’m sorry first.”  I know that can be difficult, but if it opens up the lanes of communication and thus forgiveness then just keep taking the high road.  If it isn’t leading to forgiveness and resolution then I would highly recommend finding a good marriage counselor.  Now, let’s think about another situation for a moment.  What happens when two people who can’t admit their mistakes get together?

When two stubborn people argue and hurt one another, but never admit they are wrong or say “I’m sorry” then how do they resolve conflict?  They don’t…they simply go back to pretending that it never happened, and there is no resolution to the problem.  Therefore, as time goes by the pain and resentment are stored in their emotional and relational vault called the heart.  Eventually the vault (heart) becomes full of all those things that tear people apart, and ironically they may describe it as a feeling of emptiness.  The heart is far from being empty, and in fact it is overflowing with emotional damage.  You see, when people learn to say they are truly sorry and admit they are wrong then issues can be resolved, and the healing can begin to take place.  Thus, the space in your heart can be filled with what it was designed for…love.

Tony Russell, MA, LMHC (inactive)

If you have some thoughts or questions please feel free to send me an email below.  Also, PLEASE hit a share button below to let your friends on Facebook, Twitter, & etc. know about The Next Half.  

His wife’s NOT a mother or pregnant, but she’d like a Mother’s Day gift. He wants to know what to do…HEAR MY ADVICE

Two big questions come in for the Ten Minutes with Tony Podcast:

  1. Should a guy buy his NON-PREGNANT wife a Mother’s Day gift?  She would like one!
  2. A woman asks if her hubby’s birthday gift is lame or lovely?

Being Single in A Divorce Filled World: How Does it Affect Single Adults?

Being a midlifer I wondered how single adults are affected by the divorces taking place all around them.  Does it make them fearful of marriage?  Does it make them think marriage is a waste of time?  So I turned to Fitz in The Morning cohost Ellen Tailor to find out, and I love what she had to say and I think you will as well.  PLEASE HIT SHARE BELOW and consider subscribing to my podcast and blog.

 

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Ellen Tailor, Cohost of Fitz in The Morning & Blogger and Fashion Fanatic at What’s Ellen Tailor Wearing.

 

 

No Humor in Someone Losing Their Honey: Divorce of Russell & Ashton Wilson

russell-Wilson-Ashton-Meem-wedding-picWhen the news of Russell and Ashton Wilson filing for divorce was released I was honestly saddened and disappointed.  Not disappointed in them as individuals, but that apparently their marriage is over.  Like the many fans here in Seattle I have enjoyed seeing the pictures of the two of them visiting our local children’s hospital.  I pictured them as having a wonderful marriage full of happiness, faith, and excitement.  Even as a counselor who knows what you see is often not what you get…I allowed myself to put them on a pedestal.  I think a byproduct of moving into midlife as a man is that we get more sentimental about life and even love!  We realize how quickly life goes, and we want to see younger people enjoying every moment of it.

As a radio personality it is expected that I’ll say something comedic or controversial about the situation, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to that point with this situation.  Yes, I know they are both young, they have no children, and they will find love again, but that still doesn’t negate the fact that yet another marriage has failed.  I too filed for divorce when I was in my mid-twenties with no children involved, and it was still a very painful process.  No one is prepared for the friends and family members they lose in that process.  My point being that a divorce is always painful even if it is needed and/or wanted. There is truly life after divorce, but at the moment it is happening the world seems very dark for most.  This is especially true for those who have children, and file for divorce.  They then have to battle depression, anxiety, and the ugly one…guilt.

I simply want those of you who are thinking about getting a divorce to follow the advice my mother gave me at one time.  Do everything you can to save your marriage before walking away from it.  And by trying everything I’m talking about marital counseling, sitting down together and truly listening to what the other wants from the relationship, and being willing to make some changes and compromises.  But with all of that being said remember that you only get one life to live, and you should be happy and be treated with love and compassion.  I would never encourage someone to stay in a relationship where they are miserable, but make sure you can’t find love right where you are before moving on.  I am married to the love of my life, and I’m so glad we stuck together through the difficult times.

 

A Married Lady Considers Leaving for A Facebook Flame: Hear My Advice & Give Yours

Road endsThanks for giving me ten minutes of your time.  I received a BIG question from a listener, and I want to share my answer and hear some of yours!  She is wanting to know if she should have an affair, but before we get to that I want to give you the top 5 things HAPPY couples have in common.

Six Signs Your New Honey isn’t Over Their Ex

heartI recently read an article that listed signs that someone is not over their ex love.  And since many of you have returned back to the dating scene I thought I would share them with you, and then I will briefly give you my thoughts.  So here are the signs your new love interest isn’t over their old one:

  • They talk about them often.
  • They are searching for them online, and checking out their Facebook OFTEN.
  • They keep in touch them.
  • They get annoyed when finding out their old love is dating someone new.
  • It’s been less than three months since their break up.
  • They haven’t ended the relationship with their ex.

I’ve actually read research that says if your partner keeps bringing up and/or talking about someone from work, school, or etc. it is a sign they may be cheating.  In this case we are assuming you aren’t married and just beginning to date.  If they continually talk about their ex then guard your heart, because they likely still have feelings for them  I don’t think this means you have to “ditch” them, but you should be careful.

If they are searching for the ex online or hitting their Facebook on a regular basis then “buyer beware.”  But remember, we are all curious so don’t jump to conclusions if it is just an occasional glance at the social media sites.  Now, if they are constantly in touch with the ex through Facebook, email, and even talking on the phone then I would recommend you tell them to give you a call when they are ready to move on!

The last three in the list above seem obvious, but in case you are like me and a slightly naive lets talk about them.  If your new love interest gets visually upset that their ex is in a new relationship then take three steps back, turn to the right, and make a run for it.  Yes, we all get a little jealous even when we don’t want an ex, but if it goes beyond that then their heart is still on the mend.

The last two can be combined, because they are obviously a huge red flag!  If it has been less than three months since your new beau or beauty’s breakup then they aren’t ready to move on just yet. I’m not saying you shouldn’t move forward, but just know you are rolling the dice on getting your heart broke.  And if they are still in a relationship then they are NOT your new love interest…you are their mistress or gigolo!  I know they may be promising you that one day you’ll be together forever, but it’s likely you will be waiting forever for that to happen.  Run like your ass is on fire!

 

The BJ Shea Interview, Part One: Left on A Doorstep @bjshea

bjBJ Shea is a famous morning show Rock Jock who is dearly loved by many so why was he so damn angry all the time?  Well, when you hear about the first…yes only the first 5 years of his life you will understand.  This is truly a powerful story of a man who has transformed his life by getting honest with himself and others. 

I believe BJ’s story is life changing for those who dare to admit that while it seems they are always right and the world is all wrong…that maybe…just maybe some of their problems in life could have something to do with them.  I was one of those people, and I share some of my own “junk” during this interview as well.   

I have a couple of options for you on this interview with BJ.  You can choose between listening to the full 90 minute interview or you can listen to it in 30 minute segments (Parts 1, 2, 3). 

Full 90 Minute Interview: 

Part One, 30 Minutes of Interview: 

How to Stop Emotional Eating & Take Control of Your Health @_KimberlySnyder

I recently posted a blog about my great experience with the Dr. Oz Rapid 2 Week Weight Loss Program, and the number of people who read it were shocking!  Most of us seem to struggle with getting the weight off, and keeping it off.  Well, part of the reason for that may be because when we are stressed, depressed, anxious, or all of the above we grab something to eat.  And when we hit midlife we can be extremely stressed, which makes it even tougher for us to stay healthy.  Kimberly Snyder gives some of us “emotional eaters” some great tips that will help us turn to the right places and/or food when we are feeling a emotional.

By Kimberly Snyder, How to Stop Emotional Eating & Take Control of Your Health (KimberlySnyder.net):

You settle in at your desk after a particularly stressful meeting, but suddenly feel compelled to get back up, walk around, and…grab a donut. You try to stop yourself by staying at your desk or just continuing to walk past the snacks. You may even think you’ve succeeded for a minute, but that nagging feeling returns.

You sigh. You give in, and for a little while, that rush of dopamine you got from the candy makes you feel better. Then you feel worse because you caved, but you don’t know how to stop emotional eating.

Could you be addicted to food?

The Science Behind Food Addiction

If you feel like you’ll never be able to control yourself around certain comfort foods (they’re different for everyone but usually share a few commonalities) because you lack the willpower, I have three bits of good information for you:

  1. It’s not that you lack willpower.
  2. There’s science involved.
  3. You can stop it.

Really, you can.

But first you have to understand what’s going on in your body—and in your brain—when the urge to eat unhealthy foods, especially in large quantities, sets in. And you have to get to the root of the emotions that are playing off of your addiction.

When you search your soul and stay mindful and prepared, you set yourself up for success in kicking your food addiction and emotional eating habits.

What Happens When You Get What You Want: Giving in to Addiction

As with just about any kind of addiction, your brain gets a shock of feel-good dopamine when you eat what you’re craving. You may feel nearly euphoric (thanks to the opioid production that can accompany high levels of fat or sugar intake) for a minute once you finally give in, but the feeling doesn’t last.

emotional eating 6

You’ve probably experienced something similar (don’t worry, I’m not saying you’re addicted to food if you have!) before. Everyone has cravings. You know the feeling you get when you finally satisfy that craving? Imagine that, amplified and much more difficult to satiate.

I found a study that suggests food addiction works in the same way as drug or alcohol addiction. Not only do certain foods seem irresistible and make you feel good for a minute, but it takes more and more of them over time to satiate your craving. That’s why you may not be able to stop at one cookie, one slice of pizza, or a single handful of chips.

The Link Between Food Addiction and Obesity

Sadly, nobody’s craving massive amounts of kale or carrots when they’re dealing with emotional eating or food addiction. It’s always the salty, sweet, or fatty foods that aren’t good for you. These are often referred to as “highly palatable foods.”

(I find the term kind of funny since I think fruits, veggies, nuts, and grains are highly palatable. Don’t you?)

Sometimes—but not always—food addiction results in obesity because of the types of food usually involved, which can then lead to additional health problems. You don’t have to be obese to suffer from food addiction. And if you’re carrying around some extra pounds on your frame, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re addicted to food.

Signs that You May Be Addicted to Food

Food addiction goes beyond the occasional craving that you sometimes satisfy. Here are some clues that you may be addicted:

  • Once you satisfy the craving, you still want to eat more.
  • You find yourself needing more and more of the food to satisfy the craving.
  • Your eating habits are getting in the way of your health, your weight loss goals, your relationships, or any other aspect of your life.
  • You find yourself eating when you’re not even hungry.
  • When you try to control your eating habits, you find it extremely challenging.
  • You feel anxious or irritable when you try to cut certain foods from your diet.
  • You eat to affect your mood, not just satiate your hunger.
  • Your eating habits make you feel bad about yourself.

For an in-depth look at food addiction and more help determining if you suffer from it, you can take a look at Yale’s Food Addiction Scale.

What Does That Have to Do with Emotional Eating?

For starters, there’s a whole lot of emotion involved in food addiction! Yes, there are the cravings that seem to be almost physical, but there’s probably a nagging feeling that sets off a binge (it can happen with other types of addiction, too). Maybe you can pinpoint it at the time, maybe you can’t.

emotional eating 5

Food addiction and emotional eating can feel a little like an endless cycle at times.

There’s anxiety around not eating the foods you want. You eat them. You feel depressed, guilty, or you hate yourself for giving in. That creates a whole new round of negative emotions and guess what? You want to eat more to soothe them. Vicious, right?

The physical body and the mind are linked together, so it’s no wonder that the physical act of eating can sometimes become a way of dealing with the troubles on your mind.

You can break the cycle.

Your mind and body will still be linked, of course, but they’ll both become fresher and lighter. You know how the Beauty Detox books talk about your digestive system getting all gunked up from toxins? Similar situation here—in your mind.

Yes, it’s hard at first, but: It. Is. Possible.

Keep in mind that just because you give in to emotional eating sometimes, that doesn’t mean you’re addicted to food. The tips I’ll share in a minute will help you avoid emotional eating, too, though, so even if you’ve decided you’re not addicted per se, keep reading.

How to Avoid Emotional Eating

Avoiding emotional eating takes mindfulness and preparation.

Recognize It When It Shows Up

Physical hunger and emotional hunger are two very different thing. When you’re physically hungry, it doesn’t matter if it’s a kale salad or a piece of pizza. You just want to eat something to get the gnawing in your stomach to go away. Emotional eating (and food addiction) usually revolves around something a little more specific than that.

emotional eating 4

Are you really hungry?

You can ask yourself this before you reach for a comfort food or before you reach for the next round of whatever it is you’re eating (so you caved and had a donut…tell yourself you satisfied the craving and then move into one of the other methods for fighting emotional eating, like distraction or writing in a journal). If you’re very specific about what you want (like another donut), it’s probably not physical hunger.

Come up with Healthy Alternatives Before the Urge Strikes

Success relies on planning.

Sweet tooth? Try these recipes. See which one’s your favorite and then make sure you always have them around (or at least the ingredients you need):

Keep some of these in the freezer or fridge so they’re nearby when you want to eat and you want something sweet. Though desserts should still be enjoyed in moderation, at least this way you’re getting whole foods, not unhealthy ingredients from processed foods.

If you tend to go for savory snacks or fatty ones instead, try:

Distract Yourself

At Work:

A short walk may not be your thing. I know on a limited level, when I really wanted to eat some of the sweets in the office, a quick walk through the building wasn’t enough. If anything, I might have found myself walkingtoward the candy bucket. It works for some people, but it was never enough for me.

Granted, at work you’re probably kind of limited on options, but if you have a little bit of freedom to come and go as you like (to a degree), try taking a five to ten minute walk outside in the sunshine. Get on Pinterest (set a timer!) or watch a funny YouTube video (just make sure it’s not one of the 20 minute ones! Keep it short!).

emotional eating 3

Even a few deep breaths, eyes closed, may do the trick (put on some headphones or go hide in the bathroom if your desk area’s not quiet enough). Emotional eating is inspired by stress, and if you can learn tomanage that stress, you’re so much closer to avoiding that junk food you really don’t want to eat.

If the treats you’re craving aren’t in the break room, you could go in there and make yourself a cup of tea. Keep a few bags of your favorite flavor at your desk.

At Home:

At home, you have a number of options:

  • Walk the dog.
  • Look up fitness classes you can take and have a list somewhere in your house so you can easily get up and attend one you love if it’s available at the time.
  • Do a quick yoga sequence (Kim has some on YouTube!).
  • Write, even if it’s just a note to someone you love.
  • Call a friend.
  • Clean a room in your house.
  • Dance out the stress with your favorite music blasting.
  • Meditate.
  • Take a nap.

Dive into Your Feelings with a Journal

I don’t suffer from food addiction, but I have been overcome by occasional bouts of emotional eating in the past. I know the guilt and general feeling of, “What just happened and why did I do that?” that replace those good feelings that the dopamine provides.

emotional eating 2

Journaling is your best friend. You may be feeling a little skeptical. I was. I thought I didn’t have time. I thought I wouldn’t learn anything I didn’t already know. After all, it was all in my head already, right?

Sometimes you have to write things down to see what you really think or feel, though. Have you ever tried to knit or crochet? Tug on that one string and you begin to unravel the skein and turn it into something useable. Try to use the whole skein at once and you get nowhere.

Writing is like that. You’re forced to take a little at a time and digest it.Then comes the next bit, and you’re able to work through whatever’s bothering you in much more manageable pieces.

It’s also like talking to a friend without having to unload on someone else (I know some people don’t like to do that, and if you’re not even sure what’s bothering you, it may be intimidating to just start talking with an actual person).

Journaling is private, it’s cheap, and it’s totally worth it. It also doesn’t hinder your weight loss or health goals.

Think you don’t have time to sit down and write? Think about what you would be doing instead. Would you be in front of the television with a box of cookies or ice cream? Even one show is 30 minutes and that’s plenty of time to get a good start.

The goal is to get to the core cause of the emotions that are making you want to eat unhealthy things, especially when you’re not even hungry.

Tiny Buddha has amazing tips for using a journal to heal and thrive. Too Much on Her Plate takes a slightly different approach and talks about using a food journal not to record every little bite you eat, but how you feel before, during, and after eating.

You Won’t Be Perfect Overnight, and That Is Okay!

Anything worth doing takes thought, mindfulness, dedication, and work. Learning how to stop emotional eating and take your life and health back into your own hands is no exception. You won’t be perfect overnight. Don’t expect to be. It’s okay.

We’re all works in progress. If we’re not dealing with food addiction and emotional eating, it’s something else. Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s staying mindful and present at all (or most) times. No one is perfect, but we can all strive to become our best selves.

Love yourself. Appreciate yourself. Accept yourself, whether you’ve successfully avoided a prime emotional eating opportunity or you had a slip-up. Vow to continue with your goals no matter what, and it will get easier.

Do you suffer from food addiction or emotional eating? Do you have any tips of your own to share? If not, which of the tips above do you think you’ll be trying soon?

The post How to Stop Emotional Eating and Take Control of Your Healthappeared first on kimberlysnyder.

Why Giving A Sh#! Could Be Ruining Your Life

tomI’ve always loved the expression, “I just don’t give a shit.”  In my professional opinion it’s a sign you are getting healthier and happier when you are saying it several times a day!  In fact, I bet you have found yourself admiring those who you believe simply don’t give a shit.  And that is my hope and prayer for you today my blessed friends.  I want you to increase the amount of times you don’t give a shit in life.  It will make you a much happier person, and this is especially true when you can say I don’t give a shit:

  • What others think about me.
  • What others say about me.
  • What others think I should do.
  • What others think I should believe.
  • What others will think of this decision.
  • What others will think about the way I look.

And those are just a few of the “don’t give a shits” I could think of at this moment.  So if you can think of others please feel free to add them below in the comment section!  It is when we give a shit about other’s opinion(s) of us that we can be lead into a world of hypocrisy, and even more detrimental…a world where we fail to be ourselves.

I don’t want you to think I am saying we should treat others poorly or be arrogant.  I simply want to encourage you to stop…stop giving a shit what everyone else thinks.  There are always times in life where we need to mold our behavior to fit the expectations of others, because it is the way we stay employed, get through school, and generally succeed in life.  However, it should not be a way of life.  If conforming to the expectations of others is something we are doing more often than not then it can lead to depression and anxiety.

I’ll be honest with you by admitting this is still a tough one for me.  In fact, I think it is very difficult for those of us that were raised in the world of legalistic Christianity.  I actually noticed one of my pastor friends using the LMBO on Facebook, because he didn’t want to offend anyone by even using the initial for the word “ass” in LMAO.  I can’t tell you the number of pastors and Christians I’ve known who told me they won’t drink a beer or glass of wine in a restaurant where they may see someone they know, and then they may say, “But if I go out-of-town I will!”  You probably have to be from the south to understand the logic in that completely illogical way of thinking.  But regardless of our religious beliefs we all have a group of people we tend to conform and perform for don’t we?  And if we aren’t careful we can go through life performing and conforming, which means we are never truly being ourselves.  So my challenge to you today is to stop performing and conforming, and that my friends will be very…transforming.

PLEASE SHARE WITH OTHERS BY CLICKING ONE OF THE BUTTONS BELOW, and please stop giving a shit!

The Adventures of Fanny P.

...because life is just one big adventure...

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